HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! (i smell loki in the air 2)

So it's just happen. haha by the way, ini adalah bagian dua dari rangkaian I Smell Loki In The Air





Jadi ceritanya, a friend of mine, Disa, are having her birthday *well, were*. Dan me, being anti-mainstream *ataumungkincarimasalah* memutuskan untuk memberinya hadiah 10 hari sesudah ulangtahunnya. Jadi ceritanya waktu taun kemarin I gave her birthday present around a week after her birthday. tadinya this year mau saya repeat lagi, tapi let's face it, ada kemungkinan disa menduga kalau a week after her birthday, i'll give her a birthday present.

so ten days passed.

and i gave her this

could you see what's on it ?

by the way, me, being such a worse gift wrapper, hurt myself in the process. so now i wondering if disa wil hurt too because the wrapper is pretty much lethal. But for our's sake lets hope she isnt.

actually, itu luka karena dicakar kucing hahah -- luka gara2 wrappernya sih ga se deep itu. but it really hurts.

anyway, that's just a story behind it. 

well then, Happy birthday Disa ! 

 whoopsies. wrong picture. I mean, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DISA !

dear disa, please try to unwrap the whole gift

From Setiabudi to Pare, Kediri a.k.a. Hall Of Pals : Falin

woopsies ada oliv candid :p

Mood : dancing 
Music : Flyers by Girls' Generation 
warning: bad inglizzh - bad grammarz -- but writing -- bad bad -,- 

So this post is titled From Setiabudi 229 to Pare, Kediri It is a part of Hall of Pals Series, so the official title is Hall of Palls : Falin. 

another note : and I made this on first day of college, then continued it sometimes later after knowing she is in Pare, Kediri and i edited it today.  

some another note : 
Hall of Pals Series is stories about my memorable friends. Well all of them are memorable actually. Usually I found something that reminds me of them and decided to write about them. This writing was made after I saw my binder that was given by Falin.
 So far I already made four. The first one is Hall of Pals : Disa. it was posted in my old blog, but now my old blog is deleted.. yeah.. so I started over with this Hall of Pals : Falin. Maybe later I'll re-post and post the other Hall of Pals stories.
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She is my dancing friend, my fangirling friend, and secretly, my left-me-in-awe-friend. 
Her name is Falin, and she is one of the strongest people i've ever met. 
She left me in awe with her willingness and spirits, and beliefs to pursue our dreams. But, try to not spill out the secret kay ? the fact that she inspired me, its a secret ! sssshhh *karena saya tidak mau hidungnya ngapung. nanti kasian dia nggak bisa napas* 

-----

Pertama kali saya berjumpa dengan Falin, face to face, adalah ketika kelas jurnalistik. I didn't give her much thought until that day. Sebelumnya, saya tidak pernah berjumpa dengannya, dan kejamnya, saya menyebutnya sebagai teman Ana *jadi ceritanya dia itu dulu temen sekolahnya Ana dan jadi teman sekolahnya lagi sekarang* me and my depression sometimes doesn't know cruelty and that weeks I decided to secluded myself from society *danceritanyapanjang*, so that's very much what I got. 

I saw her listening intently to what the teacher say. I wonder how long she will stay focus. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes.. well, she is definitely strong, or too scared to dork away because she is new. 

cruel, am i ?  but don't think I am heartless. I was. But now i quit being heartless. I as much as heart-full as you are, hopefully.

 And that was my first impression of the new girl, Falin. 

I didn't know that her 'stay focus' thing that day is probably an indication of how keen she is. 

-------

Year passed, and even though i got closer with Falin because I meet her in every journalistic class, but I didn't close enough to see the real her.

 It was on the eleventh grade, I remember. 

Dia bercerita di kelas menulis tentang menulis dan travelling. tentang bagaimana dia ingin sekali travelling kesana kemari dan menuliskan kisah travellingnya in a book.  She even came up with the mind-list of places that she want to visits.

Her thoughts amazed me. 

-------

But I should have guess that being with the same class with Falin will amazed me more. 

no we're not dressing recklessly -- its all for photo day ! and please don't see the height difference

Sewaktu kelas 12, saya diletakkan dikelas yang sama dengan Falin, 12 IPA 1 
dan selama di 12 IPA 1 itulah saya menemukan how keen Falin is *sometimes terlalu keen sampai jadi reckless*  

One day, Falin kena operasi appendix *iya so keren bahasanya* dia nggak masuk sampai lama banget. Then when she showed up in school, I didn't expected her to showed up this fast and more, I didn't expected she will climb the stairs to the fifth floor on her first day at school after surgery ! 

Sebelumnya saya pernah ber-experience dengan orang - orang yang kena surgery yang sama seperti Falin, dan mereka tidak pernah showed up that fast at school, dan mereka juga tidak pernah naik tangga ke lantai 5. Bahkan naik tangga ke lantai 3 aja kadang - kadang udah susah sampai harus merangkak naik *eya lebay* 
dan from what I heard, emang katanya kalau habis operasi usus buntu itu nggak boleh banyak gerak dan dipikir - pikir juga emang posisi usus buntu itu strategis, deket kaki deket upper half -,- 
Ya ricuhlah saya saat tau Fain mau naik ke lantai 5 karena memang kita ada kelas di lantai 5. Dia naik pelan - pelan dan sabar -,- padahal teh bilang aja gitu ya dia teh habis operasi, pasti kita switch kelas. -,- 
This kid is strong. keen. 
and she amazed me. 
karena saya dulu suka nggak masuk sekolah cuma gara2 pusing dan males 



She also had wish to study abroad. And unlike me, she dig so many informations -- sampai - sampai nyari informasi dari ujung bandung ke ujung bandung lagi -eya- sampai - sampai dia nyeret saya ke sebuah seminar tentang
 sekolah di luar negeri *dan setengah maksa* untuk ikut ke seminar - seminar sekolah di luar negeri lainnya yang akan datang (but in the end we only attended one seminar, though T_T)

When almost all of us failed the test, she is one of us that standing still, as bright as usual and emphasizing her other plan : Kampung Inggris. 

A couple of days after the depressing day when we found out our test result, she asked me 

13 Jul

Kaka zahraaaa. Kalo kita bukan dreamer (pemimpi) berarti apa dong?

 13 Jul 
 Jd maksud aku tuh kita bukan cuma pemimpi tp org yg bsa meraih mimpi itu. Bhs inggrisnya gmna y

i didn't give her the answer because I didn't even know if there is an exact word for that 

But I see what you did there... :P

Now, this girl is on Pare, Kediri, ke kampung inggris. Kampung yang sudah kami perbincangkan dari lama. Dulu planning kami adalah kesana bareng - bareng. atau scratch that - saya ikut Falin yang kayaknya udah lama banget emang mau planning kesana. to improve her english, as so she said. 

Secretly, silently, she put a bravery to dream again in my mind. 

Me who didn't have courage to dream on the last three years, silently, dreaming again. 

----- 

I slowly swallowed my dreams.
But then yeah, i stuck here at Setiabudi 229, swallowing my dreams. not that I mind. I enjoyed being here. But sometimes my mind kept saying : what if. 

What if we went there together. 

Maybe I'll keep inspired, so I'll keep my dreams alive. 

Which is unlikely, now.


-----

From Setiabudi to Pare, Kediri 

Falin, I never said this before to you. But thank you for helping me dwelling with my dreams before. 

May you had a great life and found many inspirations as always. 

And don't forget to watch your words now ! 



Setiabudi, November 21
-z- 

ps. i use the binder you gave me ! whoohooo ! the binder is now safe with me, helping me here in setiabudi. it might be a great friend for resus, or it might be not. 

 “People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.”
― Neil Gaiman

 

*le me being melancholy. but its true. 




 

A Story of A Laptop

Note : I actually made this for my classroom assignment. But i found it was really entertaining so i posted it here. and Resus might be my memorable friend too, so i labeled it as Hall of Pals

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I don’t have bunch of best friends and I rarely play favorites. But if there is one thing that closest to best friend and definitely my favorite, it will be my laptop. Laptop has been helping me with it’s features, just like a best friend, since the first time i got it.

The first time I got it, I realized that it will be the beginning of my best friend status with the laptop. I got it during my first year as high school and that time, I was in somekind of depression state. Somehow, its shining red color shaked me from my depression state. Its 17” wide screen gave me sense of security and comfort. Upon seeing it’s grey keyboard I felt happy because  I could use that keyboard to tell my problems and stories. After examining it for like an hour, I realized that the new era, the era of best friend with the laptop will begin. Then, I named the laptop Resus Bukasus Ekspawade and called it Resus, because it is red and it reminds me of blood. So that’s the beginning of my best friend status with the laptop.  

                My dear Resus helped me a lot during my high school time with it’s helpful software features. For instance, when I got a presentation assignment, I immediately ran to Resus for help, and of course Resus will help with it’s Microsoft Powerpoint. Another day, my class have to made a performance for final exam. Resus helped a lot before, during, and after the exam. Before the performance, we used Resus to create some performance planning by using Resus’s Microsoft Word. We also created the accompanying music using Resus’s Media Editor. During the performance, we used Resus’s Media Player to play the sound effects and musics. After the performance, we (once again) used Resus’s Media Player to watch and evaluate our performance. If I got some problems with my lesson materials, I immediately use Resus’s Internet Browser to browse the material, downloaded it and used Resus’s E-Book Reader to read it. Somehow the features felt really resourceful, as if Resus could solve my problems, my homeworks and my assignments by itself. With it’s features, laptop helped me a lot.

Now, my laptop is quite old and not as it used to be, but it still my best friend. It’s only three years old, four this February. Young for human, but old enough for laptop. I’m so grateful that Resus is still on a good condition. Eventhough it’s not on it’s best because Resus is not as good and as fast as it used to be. It keep make a whining sound that somehow make my heart aches. Resus also use quite a long time to boot. But I still tell Resus my stories, I keep watching videos and photos on Resus, I keep loving it just like the old times. Because eventhough it looked old and not at is used to be, best friend never get old or never not as it used to be, isn’t it ?

So that’s how my dear Resus the laptop has been my best friend. Resus helped me doing my assignments now and during high school with it features, listen to my stories and be my company.  Resus is getting old and not as it used to be, but it still my best friend. I hope that my best friend status will last long, forever, if can.

I WONDER

“Children are knives, my mother once said. They don’t mean to, but they cut. And yet we cling to them, don’t we, we clasp them until the blood flows.”
― Joanne Harris, The Girl with No Shadow

Mood  : sentimental * i just read some angst*

Music : All My Love is For You by Girls' Generation *I know I keep hearing this song. but it's my all time favorite!* 

Caution : bad inglizzh bad grammarrr bad wraiting bad bad bad bad -,- 




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An hour. 
So far, tts the longest. 
And still her tears don't stop. 
Or probably it stopped already, what left its just small sobs. 
And a deep scar. 

I wonder if she would stop loving me now. 

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I was on my 3rd grade at elementary school and as far as I could remember right now, its my first time having a first fight with her. 
A fight. 
It might be not a fight. Just me being stupid and coward. 

School wanted us, the students, to buy a calendar. Calendar with our school pictures on it. *Such a waste* 
It cost around 12.000 rupiah, and she gave me 20.000 rupiah. 
Afterschool, instead of keeping the 8.000 rupiah in return to her, I spent it to buy some foods for me and my friends. I want to buy them food because.. I just want to.
Having 8.000 rupiah on your pocket that time its just like having a gold mine, well scratch that, its like having shining diamonds on your pocket.
And I told her the money is gone. 
But of course she know I lied. Me, losing 8.000 rupiah ? unlikely.
"why you lied ?" she asked me. 
and I stayed still.  
"If you're not lying, it won't be like this."
I stayed still 
Yes, if I just tell her the truth, there won't be any waste of 3 hours of heated times, of my tears and her anger. 
 I know i lied, and I have to say sorry. 
But i just stayed still. 
That night, when i went to bed, i wonder if she will stop loving me.  

-------

I was 16, and that was my longest gloomy time ever.  

Long time after, when I was older, I know that it was a depression *well the internet says so

and sometimes I wondered what makes me fall to the depression *
All day was dark and tiring and frustrating and pointless. 
My friends avoided me. Maybe they don't think so, but they actually did. Or maybe they didn't, but i'm the one who pushed them away. 
But she, even though she was ill herself, came to me. No matter how many times I pushed her away.
I pushed her so many times, and even one day, I really pushed her, literally, out of the room. 
But she still came to me.
That day I wonder if she will stop coming. If she will stop loving me. 

--------

"Do you want to use this phone ?" She showed me her phone, old one, but good enough, and she bought that with her own money, her own saving. "Or this one ?" She showed me the touch-screen phone. Newer than her phone of course, and technically, it is also her phone, because she is the one who get it. 

"this one." I pointed at the new phone, shyly. 

"okay" 

And she gave me the new phone. With no grudge, no hesitance.  

-

"How much money do you have ?" She asked, out of the blue.

"Eh ? zero ?" I answered. Confused. 

"Well then, I have some money in my savings, and you said you wanted a tablet." 

Yes, but it was like a week ago and it is a tertiary needs. Not really necessary. I still could read e-books in my phone and writing in my laptop. So i don't demand it. 

"Let's say you had 200 thousand, we could get you a tablet tomorrow." 

I didn't say anything. 

I wonder if I would do that when I become a mother later. 

And I wonder if she will stop giving me anything that I wants, stop loving me at one point. 

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"Go to your room. i don't want to see you." 

She said that for.. I dont know how much time now. And not being a good kid, I went to my room. Managed to slam my bedroom door and stayed there. Not crying. Just stay still. 

I know I have to say sorry. And I know just like many times before, I wouldn't say sorry. 

 I wonder if she will get tired someday. I wonder if she couldn't take it anymore one day, me, being such a spoiled grouchy brat. 

I wonder if she will stop loving me.

-------

 

I was 18. Early 18. 

I failed. Failed to attend the college. 

I failed the university entrance tests. 

For the second time now. 

I stopped having faith in college. I quit trying now, I  will try next year.  

I avoided her that day. Taking my time in School, and went to teacher's home after, eating outside, and then went to my friend's house, to return late. 

So I don't have to see her. So I don't have to see her disappointed. 

On my way home, I wonder if she will stop loving me now. Since I failed the test. First time in family history, put her in disgrace. 

But she welcomed me home, and told me to eat. 

I try to avoided her. 

Two days after I know one thing : 

She loves me

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I woke up besides her. She was sleeping soundly. As if no weight put on her shoulders. 

I traced her face with my eyes. Her lips, her cheek, her nose, her brows, her chin, and her eyes. 

All with traces of pain that I gave her in all my 18 years of living. 

I looked up at the ceiling, and wonder, if God had given me option to born or not, which one i would choose? 

then I would choose not to be born. If born means like this. Means I put her on burden that she would always take. 

I wonder what would she said if she knows I think like that. 

Probably she would freaked out. Tell me that no matter how much I become a burden for her, but I also become a gift for her. 

I flinched. Somehow, that words sounds familiar. As if she have said that before. 

I went back to sleep, before I closed my eyes, I prayed to God to keep her a place in heaven for later and a heaven for her in Earth now. 

I drift off. And before darkness weighed me to sleep, I remember that once, long time before, she told me that the day she knows she will have me and the day I was born, she was really happy. Happy that couldn't be told by words. But by expressions. 

I thanked God I was born. and I thanked God that she is the one who delivered me to the world.

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I wonder if she will stop loving me now.

The next day, I found her curling up behind me on the bed. She asked me how's my day. 

"fine." I answered 

She told me about random funny things that she usually said when we're good. How a young baby boy next door talking and running, how my brothers showed up with their wittiness. As if we're fine. 

As if I didn't made her cry yesterday.

She compared my behavior when i was young and the baby next door's antics.

That no matter how many clever babies she met, I would always be her best baby *well, alongside your brothers, of course*

I stayed still. 

she told me she was sorry for being angry yesterday

"okay" I said 

I don't know how I could managed only to say that in a cold-heartless-girl way, when after she left, I cried like I  never cried before. Sobbing I love you and I'm so really very sorry in silence. 

She will never stop loving me.

“The only love that I really believe in is a mother’s love for her children.”
― Karl Lagerfeld

*me sucks. i know. T_T i dont know how it ended up somehow like fanfiction, really.*

I Smell Loki in The Air

“For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want.
”
― Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! 

You better watch out, birthday girl ! you won't know what will get you on the next ten days !  

Happy Birthday Zahra !

I made this post several months ago and forgot to put it on blogger -,- 


When I was sixteen, I refused to have birthday. 
I know how ridiculous it sounds, but at some point, you will tired of growing up, and for me, sixteen is the point. 

The fifteen years before, I've been always looked forward for my birthday. I don't expect any parties, or celebration or things, but changing, having a new year with feeling, that was great. 

But then when I was sixteen, I was tired of growing up. I want to stop growing up and I hope that I will never growing up. I hoped that Peter Pan will somehow took me from my house and sent me to Neverland. Imaginary, but I still remember those days when I even prayed to God that it will happen. 

But my friends, as lovely and as fun they are, refused to gave up my birthdays and always came up with birthday cakes on my birthday, or several days after. And they never fail me to cry. 

to cry upon their kindness 
to cry upon their attention 
and to cry upon my growing up status. 

I was happy, but I still don't understand why we should grow up. 

Years after, I was getting my 18 birthday this June 
I didn't look for it, as always, but I know that my friends will never fail me. they will came up with something to celebrate my birthday, eventhough i neglected theirs *such a bad friend I am* 

I was busy with burying myself with loads of works at that time, and I even get ready for another work : perpisahan's preparation and the fact that June will be my last month with friends as high school student. 

But then as fairy as my friend is, they came up with cake. And if I didn't mind the presence of people around *crush, ehm*   i would have some kind of breakdown, screaming in both despair and joyfulness. 

why i have a great friend like you all ? 
why you still care for me ? 
Even i stopped care for myself. 
why do i have birthday ? 



I have to keep talking or else I will have some breakdown so I keep asking them where did they bought that ? and they didn't answer me. I notice that some of them are laughing at the cake *in friendly way, though* but I don't mind. You could get me a mud cake, and I won't mind *i will mind if you force me to eat it, though* Every cakes are beautiful, believe me.

We ended up taking photos, as a reminder.

I still don't expect my birthday. But if there is something, the answer why God created birthday, it must be this : 

cakes. 

Cakes give you togetherness, cakes bring you together, cakes smashed you together.

days later i found out that they made the cake. THEY MADE THE CAKE. 

I sobbed, literally. 

I had a bunch of great friends and I still mourning upon my birthday. 

And it sounds like somewhere a fairy godmother sing me a lullaby 

 See my darling, life is short 

no cry no grief upon birthday 

birthday might kill you 

birthday my turn you down 

but birthday bring you your awesome friends 

(i know its not a lullaby) 

Thank you, from deep down there I said thank you

-z-

 

SETAHUN PENSI

background song : All My Love is For You by Girls' Generation
Mood                   : tired
(sounds like fanfic la ?)

Jadi seminggu ini, Alfan dan Akmal, my two beloved brothers *which I love soooo muuuchhh*, pulang sore terus. Yah sebenarnya sih bukan urusan saya juga kenapa mereka pulang sore, tapi as a nosy and *probably* irritating sister I am, dan juga sebagai manusia kepo nomor satu *mungkin* dirumah, saya memutuskan untuk bertanya ada apa dan ternyata sekarang udah musim pensi ! whoooooo

Beda sama disekolah lain, di Asih Putera yang nampilin pensi itu ya anak - anak Asih Putera sendiri. kadang - kadang suka bingung juga sih kalo udah ada yang nanya : "di asih putera ada pensi ya ? siapa yang dateng? tiketnya berapa?"

Pensi itu, at least setidaknya semenjak dua tahun lalu *seingat saya*, adalah bagian dari exam pelajaran seni, dan panitia penyelenggaranya juga kelas 12. Jadi selain mericuhkan diri dengan pentas seni, ricuh juga kelas 12 dengan dekor dan rundown dan *mungkin* konsumsi.

Setahun yang lalu *yah actually I have no idea kapan pensi angkatan saya dilaksanakan, cuma karena sekarang sudah pensi lagi jadi anggaplah pensi itu setahun yang lalu* pensi angkatan 7 jadi pioneer dari pensi gede - gedean macam memakai bale mamah haji. And believe, me it's frustrating, eventhough saya bukan bagian dekor, ngeliat dekor kerja itu udah frustrating -,-

Well then, meskipun judulnya setahun pensi, but I won't tell about pensi tahun lalu. why ?

yah kadang - kadang I feel nggak adil juga. I treat my 12 graders memories like baby and I neglected the 11 graders memory. Jadi now, saya akan menceritakan tentang pensi kelas 11, pensi Sophisticated Magnificent Playgroup.

SEMINGGU SEBELUM PENSI, KAYAKNYA
kalo ditanya kapan mulai latihannya pensi 11 IPA 2, itu entah kapan deh. Yang jelas udah deket banget sama hari H dan bahkan H-1 kabaretnya sempet direvisi ulang. 
Jadi untuk pensi kali itu, diputuskan bahwa kita akan melakukan kabaret berjudul PRmu, PRku.. atau semacamnya itu. intinya tentang rebutan PR. Rebutan PR dalam waktu 14 menit. *well, its cabaret, everybody* 
Ceritanya kabaretnya dilakukan dalam smartphone. Jadi kerja keras lah IPA 2 membuat bingkai smartphonenya. 

itu ceritanya ngangkat - ngangkat bingkai smartphone -,- sampai membutuhkan enam orang gitu *Asa wanita super*
kayak kisah Romeo dan Juliet, di pensi ini juga ada orang jahat dan orang baiknya (?)

 Dan ada Buguru yang mimpin dance stage

inti dari ceritanya itu adalah anak jahat ngerebut PR anak baik gara - gara anak jahat kelupaan bikin PR gara2 keasyikan main kungfu bola

 

dan supaya rame, semua orang menari sepuasnya 

gaktau lagi nari atau main lompat tali sebenarnya 

we called this : Gita's favorite scene

Gee anyone ?

ceritanya intro nari saman

don't know why do Gita's favorite scene keep reappearing

intinya setelah diberi lesson oleh buguru

 

bahwa mencontek itu nggak baik, at all, we all saling bermaaf - maafan *or sort of. we don't like happy endings* 

 

 

 

bukan, ini bukan lebaran. disa cuma mau minta angpau

oh yes, we named the show : Sumsang 3D. w/ intro : Welcome to sumsang 3D, presented by 11 IPA 2 yeeeeey

 

sesungguhnya banyak banget drama dan reality show yang terjadi ketika dan saat penampilan kabaret yang satu ini. Karena kita persiapan cuma seminggu sebelumnya, para pendekor *atau mungkin cowok2* decided to stay late untuk ngerjain itu frame HP. Bahkan sampai framenya dibawa pun masih belum selesai itu frame dan perlu sampai dipanggil ratusan kali kayaknya baru kita siap naik stage. eh saat mau naik stage, framenya nggak bisa di berdiriin.. but in the end, we made it. And I would like to say that it was the best show I've ever been in (?).

we also made reality show :
BONUS : AJI NAGA IND*S*AR 

it's just an ordinary day.. people watching the greenish pool

probably the one there is having a private time

SOMETHING'S MOVING !

WHAAAM !

Ternyata Aji, naga indosiar

le me will do the kelas 12 pensi next time :))
syalalala have a good night everyone :)

-yourmamwik-